Helping others to empower my sobriety journey.
- Ben - Its That Sober Guy
- Jul 29, 2023
- 3 min read
One of the main reasons that I started the It’s That Sober Guy community is I love helping others. However, if I’m truly honest, helping others is slightly selfish as it also empowers my alcohol-free journey, leaving me feeling more accountable for my actions and more likely to succeed. If anyone comes to you for advice, here are the tips I would give you to help them with positivity and respect while helping your own sober journey.
Listen
Listening is a skill and not an easy one to master. My mum used to say to me that “You have 2 ears and only 1 mouth for a reason”. It is ok to ask questions but if someone speaks to you about their drinking or any other addiction, it has taken a lot for them to get to this point, give them the time to listen to what they are saying to you. It’s taken me a long time to realise silence in conversations is normal and not to try to fill them with words. People need time to reflect on what they are saying, use this time to think about how you want to respond.
Don’t judge.
There is no magic amount of alcohol you need to drink before you think that you have a problem, likewise, there is no maximum number of attempts that someone can take to stop. Everyone’s journey is different, and it is important to respect that. If someone has reached out to you, they already have gone through a lot, you have a rare opportunity to change someone’s life and you don’t want to waste it with judgement.
Focus on the positives.
This was a big one for me, it takes a lot to reach out so even if someone is still drinking heavily, they have already achieved something so focus on this. Change is difficult, and it is even more so if the focus is on negativity and regret, acknowledge that there is a consequence of any decision that we make, good or bad, but try to focus on the good. This will leave people feeling more empowered to make the changes they want.
Sobriety books (Quit-Lit)
One of the questions I like to ask is if people read, the reason for this is, I like to offer a spare sobriety book to anyone who has reached out in person. Often people will need to reach out numerous times before they are ready to make the changes they need to, by giving someone a book they have something real and tangible to turn to when they are ready. I’ve had 2 phone calls from people who have read the books I’ve given them and wanted to update me on their stories which was amazing.
Their success is not your success.
Ultimately not everyone who reaches out to discuss their addiction with you will be successful on their journey. That is on them and not you. Everyone is different and, if the sober journey was an easy one, we would not have such an epidemic of alcohol in this country. Often people will need lots of attempts before they are successful and that is ok, if someone fails you have empowered them to take one of those steps.
Your story
Be proud of your own story and tell people about it regardless of where you are in your alcohol-free journey. A conversation today can be the difference tomorrow when someone is ready to reach out. By talking about our stories, we can break down the stigma attached to addiction and normalise it, which is how it should be.
In the last week, I’ve had 2 people reach out to me to discuss their drinking. Whenever this happens, I feel honoured and privileged that someone has reached out to me, however sneakily I also feel a little more empowered to stick to my own alcohol-free journey.
I hope you have found this useful wherever you are in your alcohol-free journey. If you would like to reach out you can contact me at info@itsthatsoberguy.com on our social or by joining our community by clicking the link below.
Ben – It's That Sober Guy
Disclaimer – I’m not a trained addiction or mental health professional, information is based on my own life experiences and shared in good faith to help others.
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