Alcoholics Anonymous and why this community did not work for me.

One of the first questions, I’m always asked about why I set up It’s That Sober Guy, is why I did not just go to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). The truth of the matter is I did, several times, but I never really found it was for me. There are several reasons for this, mostly on me, but I thought it would be good to explore some of these further, in case anyone else has experienced similar.

Alcoholics Anonymous is amazing.

First off, I want to start by saying that there is no other organisation in the sobriety world that has done more than AA. They have saved more lives from addiction than anyone, they are international, and often the first call someone will make when they realise, they have a problem. If you are worried about your drinking or substance abuse, you can find out more information about AA here: Alcoholics Anonymous Great Britain (alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk).

I, however, never managed to get sober while attending AA, this is largely on me, but I think this was for a few reasons.

I always accessed while in crisis.

Unfortunately like many others, often the time that I would reach out to AA would be immediately after a crisis. This would often mean that I was joining the groups at my most vulnerable, but also would not have the capacity to change. Often, I would go to a handful of meetings before deciding that it was not for me and that I could do it alone, within a few weeks of stopping I would try controlled drinking again – This is not a thing!

A higher power

Part of the AA programme is to accept that there is a higher power and that some things are out of your control. This higher power could be a god or your version of it. Unfortunately, I struggle with the idea of a higher power, I wish there was something that I did believe to this extent, but that is just not the case. I also struggle with the concept if there is a higher power, how/why could I get in such a pickle in the first place?

Am I an alcoholic?

I know a lot of my friends who do not drink, and struggle with the word sober, I like this word and wear it with pride, but I’ve always struggled with the word alcoholic, I always associated this word with someone with a physical dependency on alcohol, something that I did not have and for this reason, thought the support was not for me.

Attending meetings

I joined AA a few times while drinking and tried a few different groups. While the groups follow the same format, I do feel they differ greatly by the members that attend. Some groups I found very fixed while others were more transient with the membership. If you can find a group where you get a good connection with a few members, it can be a group for life but often I felt like I just did not fit.

Another part about the meetings is they like you to attend 90 meetings in the first 90 days. I know why they do this, as they want 100% focus on your addiction, but I found this commitment tough to the point that I always stopped after a couple of weeks.

What’s the alternative?

There are many sober communities out there, some focusing on complete sobriety, others on reduction. Join more than one and find out which you like and which you don’t, or even better start one of your own. This is how It’s That Sober Guy started in the first place. Find a place that works for you. It could be online or face-to-face or a combination of the two.

Which is the best?

Before you worry about that, if you are concerned about your drinking speak to your doctor as it can be dangerous to stop outright depending on the level of your drinking.

Once you have done this, join as many new communities as you can, and give AA a go, just because it did not work for me, does not mean it would not work for you, but look up some alternatives both local and online.

If you are unsure if the It’s That Sober Guy community could be for you, we have 3 months of free access now, just sign up using the link below, I hope to see some of you there.

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Ben – It's That Sober Guy

Disclaimer – I’m not a trained addiction or mental health professional, information is based on my own life experiences and shared in good faith to help others.

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