My first time at the Frazzled Café!

One of the things I’ve been working on since becoming sober is building a strong community both online and off. I’ve joined various sobriety groups, however, I wanted to try an online group, not around just sobriety. That is when I came across Ruby Wax’s Frazzled Café. I decided to give it a go and here is what I thought about it.

Now before I continue, I should point out that the Frazzled café is for people to talk openly and for that reason what is said in the group is confidential. I won’t be talking about anything that was said in the group but just give you an overview of how I found the group.

Signing up

This was super easy and only a few details were required. You need to have access to Zoom as all meetings now are held online. It was super easy to do and there are cafes run every day. If you fancy giving one a go you can sign up here: Home - Frazzled Cafe.

The day of the meeting

I was a bit nervous the morning of the get-together, but this is normal for me. The facilitator was great, explaining what the café was about, that the session would start with a small wellness exercise and then the floor would be opened, we were asked to stay on mute unless we were talking, and always have our cameras on to stay present, which all seemed fair enough to me.

What I loved

I’ve never met such a diverse group of people, there were 12 of us and the facilitator. Small enough that everyone had a chance to speak but also large enough that the hour went quickly, with very few quiet periods. There was a mix of ages, sex, race etc. It probably happened by accident, but I loved how inclusive it felt.

I quickly realised that I enjoy listening, just as much if not more than talking. You are encouraged not to offer advice, but the nodding, smiling, and use of emojis was so heart-warming throughout the meeting. I was amazed by the end of the meeting and the connection I felt towards these 12 people despite me talking for less than a couple of minutes.

What I was less keen on

This is a complex one, but I originally found out about the Frazzled Café from reading Ruby Wax’s book, in there she promotes the benefits of face-to-face connection. The reason I was so interested was it was an in-person event, however, since the pandemic they have moved online. I’ve mixed feelings about this, in a lot of ways, I think it is harder to return to in person than it would have been when they started this way, and friendships have now been formed that cross borders. However, deep in my heart I do think some human connection is lost being online.

Would I go again?

I’ve already booked my next meeting and that is probably the biggest endorsement that I can give. While I love my sobriety groups, it was great to meet people from other walks of life. If you are unsure, I would say just give it a go, see how you get on, and you never know, I might just see you there.

Ben – It's That Sober Guy

Disclaimer – I’m not a trained addiction or mental health professional, information is based on my own life experiences and shared in good faith to help others.