Living with emotional pain – part 2

If you are starting from here, you might want to go check out the post that I did last week about not being able to have children and our recent IVF journey. You will see from reading it that the journey is ongoing, here are a few of the things that I’ve learnt to deal with the pain on this journey.

Take stock.

I like to give myself a few minutes every day to check in with myself. Often the pain of not being able to have children has come when I least expected it. Mood fluctuates when you least expect it, and it hurts when it does.

I try to remember where I’ve come from and everything that I’ve achieved so far in life. This does not stop the pain but sometimes, makes it slightly more bearable.

Don’t compare.

Nothing good comes from comparison to others, for every person you find more fortunate than you, there will always be someone else struggling. Life is not fair sometimes, but we have only got this one. I try to make the most of what I do have and treasure it.

Write your feelings down.

This has been amazing for me, often when I’m struggling to work out how I’m feeling, I will just start to write. Often this will be lists or spider diagrams to break down how I’m feeling. Often, I will experience multiple feelings at the same time. I used to identify all these feelings as the primary feeling. One such example of this is often I will feel anger, however, if I take the time to break it down, I will find, pain, hurt, and guilt amongst other feelings. Writing helps me explore this.

I like to keep some of my writings as I like to look back at them. However, if I’m writing about powerful emotions, sometimes I will burn them afterwards. This can help me leave the feelings behind.

Self-care.

Physical and mental well-being are closely linked. It never fails to amaze me how my mood can plummet just after eating a takeaway or how much life feels brighter after taking a short run. Life is for living so enjoy everything in moderation, however, if you are struggling with your mood don’t underestimate the difference a healthy meal and raising your heart rate can achieve.

Talk about your journey.

No two people’s stories are the same, however, I’m always amazed when I talk about my struggle to have children, how many people have gone through something similar and when they have not, how much empathy and compassion they offer me. Often just the act of talking about not being able to have children helps in itself.

Listen to others.

This might be about their journey which might be like yours, or something completely different. Listening helps both the talker and the listener, offering others compassion and kindness, which will be reciprocated in bucketloads.

Does it work?

Sometimes, I do get good and bad days, but most of the time, the above makes the bad days just that little bit more bearable. However, some days it just hurts and, on those days, I’ve no choice but to accept the pain for what it is, knowing that while it may never completely go away, it will get easier.

Where from here?

Well, the one thing I do know, is there will be 3 parts to this article, but this won’t be for a few months yet. We are currently looking at our options and if we try a second cycle of IVF. What the future brings nobody knows, so I will try my best just to enjoy the journey. I hope you do too.

Ben – It's That Sober Guy

Disclaimer – I’m not a trained addiction or mental health professional, information is based on my own life experiences and shared in good faith to help others.