Letting go of the guilt.

The first few weeks after becoming sober were amazing. I felt young and energised, that I’d given myself a fresh start. However, once these initial feelings had subsided, I was left with an overwhelming sense of guilt, which at times threatened to derail my sobriety. Here are a few ways that I learnt to help me overcome this sense of guilt.

Be kind to yourself.

Treat yourself, how you would treat your friends. We are our worst enemies, offering love and kindness to others while overly critical of ourselves. Often, the mistakes we made while drinking were horrendous, however for those people who have stuck around, they saw something positive in us that we could not see ourselves.

Accept the person that you are.

There are lots of things I did while drinking that I’m not proud of, however, I would not be the person that I’m today without them. Some of the worst things I did when drunk are the same things that keep me sober today. Knowing this makes me realise, I needed to walk the path I did to arrive at the destination I’m at today.

Tell others you’re sorry.

This is one of the most empowering things I did. I got sober without going to Alcoholics Anonymous, but this is one of their steps, and I completely understand why. I would start by doing this with the people I trusted most. They are the most likely to understand. However, please understand that just because you are ready to apologise, others may not be ready to offer forgiveness. This is their choice and not yours and you must respect that.

Undertake self-care exercises.

Two of the things that I like to do are daily journaling and meditation. I started a journal shortly before becoming sober and this was one of the tools that helped me decide to become sober. I use my journal for lots of different things but one of the main things is to explore my feelings. Putting 15 minutes aside for this each morning has helped me focus on, how I’m feeling and how I can work towards overcoming negative feelings.

I was very sceptical of meditation when I first tried it. However, I do find it helps me to clear my mind and it is easy to do. I found some free YouTube videos and gave them a go. Mediation has helped me to clear my head to work out how I’m feeling, but also, I find it useful to do it after work, to reset my mind, before spending time with my family.

Learn from your guilt.

We suffer from guilt for an incredibly good reason, to ensure that we do not make the same mistakes repeatedly. It is important that recognise going forward we still have the potential to make mistakes, we cannot change our past, it has happened. However, we can learn from it and ensure we don’t repeat the same mistakes. Guilt helps us do this.

Pay it forward.

As I previously said, not everyone to whom you apologise will want to forgive you, and nor should they. However, one of the biggest ways I’ve found to control my guilt is to pay it forward to others. Don’t be afraid to talk about your journey, both the good and the bad. This is one of the main reasons I started Its That Sober Guy in the first place. Helping others is something that is in my blood, but I cannot deny that when helping others, we also help ourselves.

I hope with some of these ideas, you too may reduce some of the guilt that you are feeling. Wherever you are in your sobriety or any other journey you are trying to make. I wish you all the happiness and success in the world.

Ben – It's That Sober Guy

Disclaimer – I'm not a trained addiction or mental health professional, information is based on my own life experiences and shared in good faith to help others.